The problem with pregnancy tests is that apparently one can be sort of pregnant. At least that’s how it seems. Let me backtrack.
I took an early pregnancy test on Thursday. Up until now, I have avoided these types of tests, preferring to hold onto the idea that I might be pregnant and going the route of not knowing. On Thursday I took the test in the name of science. After all, I had been tracking my ovulation and measuring elasticity and avoiding all kinds of hopeful thinking by charting my cycle. I figured that if there was a chance I was pregnant and it just didn’t stick, I wanted to know. I wanted to feel confident in my scientific method. So I took the test. Thursday was perhaps one of the worst days I have had in several years and I ended it by taking a test I was pretty sure would turn up negative. It did. You perceptive readers will notice that I ended my day with a pregnancy test-not the best idea if you’re looking for a super accurate reading.
The problem with early pregnancy tests is that they don’t eradicate all of your hope like getting your period does. I mean, it could be wrong, right? There’s a chance I just took the test too early, or at the wrong time of day. With only a sliver of what I felt was truly unsupported and unreasonable hope, I commenced with hurrying up and waiting for my period. It was due Monday. I was walking around with panty-liners in my underwear and going to the bathroom every ten minutes to check. Wednesday rolled around and I still had no definitive sign that I was not pregnant. But, I did have acupuncture (yes, found someone to treat me, willingly and with enthusiasm in fact–call female practitioners for these types of things) and she needed to know if I was pregnant; the treatment varies depending on your bun-in-the-oven status. So I took a test again Wednesday morning.
It was negative. So, I went in and got dressed so I would be ready to go when the girl woke up. And I looked at it just one more time, just in case. I am the most hopeful person in the world. It wasn’t negative anymore. But it wasn’t positive either.
Pregnancy tests (or at least the one I took) work like this: One line means you’re not, two lines means you are. The first line shows up immediately, as soon as your pee touches the stick. A second line shows up as soon as the test detects the pregnancy hormone in your urine. When I took the pregnancy test that told me the girl was on her way, both lines showed up at the same time and in full force. There was a second line on the pregnancy test I took Wednesday morning, but it was so faint, so meager, so feeble. I told my husband to wake up and look and tell me what he thought. He said his eyes were too blurry and he thought there was a line, but not enough of one to be pregnant. I agreed.
But still, if there is any trace of pregnancy hormone in your urine, doesn’t that mean you’re pregnant? I looked it up. And yes, in fact, even feeble, faint lines are a positive. So, I am pregnant. But the test was so iffy, so insecure in its results. I only feel a little pregnant. I am not going to get excited, I am going to wait and make sure. I go to the doctor Tuesday. Hopefully their tests are more reassuring than mine. Or, maybe I’ll just be all the way pregnant by then.
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