It is strange to wake up in the morning (not at 6:30 either), and not have to get dressed for work. Or at all, if I don’t want to (don’t worry, I do anyway). I don’t have to pack a lunch, get in the car and drive away, leaving my poor doggy watching at the window. I don’t have to sit at a desk and stare at my computer screen all day long. I don’t have to stare yearningly out of the window as the sun rises and sets while I’m stuck inside.
It feels great.
And weird.
Because I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn, I stay up with my honey until he’s ready to go to bed – which hasn’t been too late, thankfully. That means that every night I get to fall asleep with his arms around me, and even when we roll away in different directions in the night, by morning we’re back in each other’s arms. For some reason, when we start the night out asleep separately…that’s the way we stay for the rest of the night.
The other night, he read in bed for a few minutes before we turned the lights out, and I just laid next to him and stared at his face. I felt a strange feeling…a euphoria almost. I just couldn’t believe my luck at having a husband who worked his butt off so that I didn’t have to, at that very moment I was just so extremely happy.
At first I was a little worried that after I quit, Hubby would start feeling more stressed out about the sole breadwinner. I felt a little worried that he would resent having to get up at 5:00 for those early drives down to D.C., when I got to sleep in, and too guilty to actually sleep in – I got up at 8 am almost every day last week!
I think in fact, it’s had the opposite effect. He’s been relaxed and confident in his ability to bring home the bacon, and I think a little relieved to see the huge weight that’s been lifted off my shoulders.
I’m still trying to figure out what my day-to-day is going to look like. The first couple days home (the ones not spent traveling to Mexico or Canada) I spent cleaning out my kitchen cabinets and pantry, cleaning out the front coat closet, and sending a few boxes to Goodwill. I’ve hit a wall energy-wise, though, the last couple days. Once I get going, I’m fine, but I really am lacking the motivation to get up and get started on anything at all. I need to move upstairs and continue going through closets, bathroom cabinets, etc. I haven’t done that though – I’ve just been fixing myself cup after cup of tea, reading, playing online, and petting my doggy.
In acupuncture today, Dr. Jen said that the last treatment we’d done was to help clear out the sadness from my heart that I was feeling after our friends’ pregnancy announcement. The lack of energy, or motivation rather, that I’m feeling is because my heart is struggling to deal with the grief that comes after the sadness. Today’s treatment had the goal of an empty, or balanced, heart. She said that I may feel more energy, but that I shouldn’t run around trying to get everything done while I had the energy, and to just concentrate on relaxing and allowing my heart to be rejuvenated.
I think I can do that 
.
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